Despite the circumstances and grief that have filled my days over the last year, today was a wonderful day. It was a day that has left me feeling special and loved. A day where I can see my great God at work in each of the little details. It could have been a pretty crappy day (and I was prepared for such), but I have a Good Good Father who made sure it wasn’t.
I miss my son today, as I do everyday, but instead of sinking low into that deep sorrow of this loss, I was joyful. Audrey helped me open my present - a quiver necklace that represents my children, (Psalm 127) - we watched classic Christmas movies, decorated a gingerbread house, and ate Mexican food and birthday cake. It was as ordinary a day as any birthday and for that, I am so very thankful. I never expected to have a child in heaven. I never expected to be in this season of loss and waiting. I never expected that 31 would leave me with an empty nursery. But it has. And while it’s hard to honestly be thankful for these circumstances, when I step back, I am forever grateful for the path that has lead me to today.
As I listened to my sweet daughter sing the words of the Happy Birthday song, I remembered how incredibly loved and adored I am by the God I serve and love. I remembered how beyond thankful I am for my husband. For the support and partner that he has been and continues to be in this crazy season of life. I remembered that birthdays are for celebrating, even those that don’t seem particularly celebratory. I remembered that in just about 2 months, there will be a birthday that we will need to celebrate, even when it seems so hard. And that in a little less than 2 weeks, we will celebrate the most important birthday ever; the birth that gives me hope, and peace, and joy, and assurance, and comfort.