5 years old
I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking about all the things I would say in a birthday letter to our newly minted 5 year old. Yes, 5 year old. It’s getting more difficult to imagine our George Mason. I do think that as Harry grows older and we experience the life of boy-parents, it will get a little easier to retroactively imagine George at each of these birthdays and stages of life. But as of now, we have an almost 2 year old boy - and somehow, that’s just so incredibly different than a 5 year old boy. So as I find my mind wandering back to the same notebook page, empty mostly, where I keep my thoughts about our middle child, I get both sad and frustrated that it’s not full of all the things that our not-so-little-guy is doing to fill his days.
5 years old… it feels like a different lifetime when we held him and said goodbye. And yet, here we are, frosting the super hero cake his big sister decided that he would probably like very, very much.
George Mason,
Today, you would be 5 (que all the tears). If it’s possible, your dad and I love you more today than we did yesterday and the day before that. We also somehow miss you more and more each day (que more tears). 5 years is a long time to dream about you, but also, I realize that’s it’s actually not long at all - and for the rest of my days, however many they may be, I will miss you a little more and love you a little more deeply. It never gets easier to not have you here. In fact, as I get to know more of your big sister and little brother, it gets harder , and made more obvious, the hole you’ve left in our family.
The quiet days at home with Harry, would they be filled with the trampling sounds of super hero pretend play? Would you be teaching your little bro all about sword fights, marvel characters, and the best ways to annoy your big sister? Would you be a good student? I think so; at least I think you’d love to time you spend at preK with your friends. Maybe you’d be too busy to care much about your letters and numbers - slightly disappointing your dad’s desire for you to carry on the millionth generation of McGough accountants. Maybe you’d actually be the most tender hearted little man. Maybe you’d be compassionate and the best friend. Maybe the hardships of your entry into this world would have given you the super power of empathy and the desire to make each human you meet to feel known and deeply loved. Yes, I think that very much would be who you are today.
At the end of this summer, in just 6 short months, you’d be heading off to kindergarten (que yet another round of tears). George, or would you have a nickname? Possibly. No, most definitely. But what would it be? Would you be little G? Or Georgey? Maybe you’d be buddy? Either way, I imagine you’d be so thrilled to start going to “big school” with sissy. As much as I watch Harry adore her, I know you’d be thick as thieves with her. You’d probably know every Barbie’s name too. And all the backstories she’s come up with. You’d probably have added details of your own; like secret super powers and clandestine criminal catching - all in time to throw back on a gown and not have been missed at the ball. Yes, I think that would definitely be you.
It’s still cold here, but I imagine that you’d drag your dad outside after dinner to soak up the last rays of sunshine playing catch. Would you like football or baseball more? Would we have a basketball hoop in the backyard? Or would there be soccer goals set up for endless hours of kicking practice? I think you’d probably get a little frustrated with Harry as he tries to copy your every move, but I think secretly you’d love to show him the ropes of what childhood as a little boy looks like. I can see your blonde curls in a garnet sweatshirt as you cheer on the Noles basketball team (unfortunately the football games have been a little rough since you were born, but that’s ok, daddy would have you doing all the black and gold cheering). You’d probably know the rules better than me at this point. Yes, I think that would definitely be you today.
Happy 5th Birthday, Middle Man. Your daddy and I are better for having known you. Better for loving you. Better for trusting God with you. I hope the birthday celebrations in heaven are wonderful, because we sure do miss you.
All our love, forever and always,
Mama & Daddy
