It has been really quiet around here since kindergarten started. Audrey Nole is the best filler of negative space, particularly if that space is silence. She has a million and one things to say - and most of the time doesn’t even need you to participate, as her dialogue is mainly a monologue. So as we end the first 2 weeks or so of the school year, Harry and I find ourselves enjoying the quiet; the negative space that will allow him to show up and full as he sees fit, and not just always defer to his sister.
I’m looking forward, with great anticipation, to finding out who this sweet little man is when he’s given the space to be himself. We already know that he is flirty and full of smiles. Will he be a talker like big sister? Will he be a profound thinker, who watches the world and processes internally? Will be be an explorer? Will he leave the safety of his playmat and discover all the best hiding places our 4 walls have to offer? Will he keep me on my toes? Entertain me? Will he be content to sit with me in the quiet or will he fill the silence with all the sounds of boyhood?
I feel a little bit guilty even thinking this, but it has been such a pleasure to send Audrey to school. She is more social than I will ever be able to keep up with, and the time with her peers has been invaluable to her and I’s relationship. After nearly 8 months of isolation, her and I really needed for her to have the space to spread her wings. As her mama, I want to be able to give her all the things she needs to flourish in each season, but in the era of Covid, my ability to provide for her in this particular way had been stripped from my control. The mandated isolation and need for physical, and so often social, distancing from the people that fed her extroverted desires, took its toll. So even amongst the fears and unknowns of what in-person school might open us up to, collectively this family was thrilled to start the year. God has relieved my fears time and again, as I listen to the joy in her voice when she tells me about school. The guilt of not missing her fades and the gratitude for a place where she can fill her cup settles in deep. Those car rides home are something that I shall never forget. As I look into the rearview and see the smiles from Harry that are given to his sister and the deep conversations she has with him about how wonderful kindergarten is, I say a silent prayer of thanks.
Kindergarten has been good for all of us. The one on one time with Harry is precious and the social setting for Audrey Nole is long awaited and desperately needed. Our dinner time conversations are so much better and the time we spend together as a family is something we can all look forward to; especially now that it is the exception and not the rule.
Three cheers for the silence that is waiting to be filled and a mama heart who is thrilled to see what it holds.
“Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.” Hebrews 12:28-29
