Today is the first heavenly birthday for my mama that we aren’t in Utah. I’m not sure if that makes things better or worse or harder or easier or anything, but it’s a reality that I can’t seem to push out of my mind. Perhaps being so close to the place where she took her last breathes made me somehow feel closer to her. Or maybe going to the places that her and I had gone in those months before she died kept a piece of her alive. Maybe it was none of those things, because today hasn’t been any different than years past. Yet, somehow I’m aware.
I think about all the things that she has missed in our lives. The births of 7 grand babies. The death of one. The wedding of her son and in a few months the wedding of the last one. The moves, job changes, life happenings of 4 kids and their families. Even though it’s only been 8 years, it feels like she’s missed the best 8 years; and that makes it the worst.
I’m thankful that her arrival in heaven meant that she isn’t missing all of these things. Her body was made new and whole. It’s those of us who loved her while she was on earth that get the privilege of doing all the missing. Knowing she won’t be here for the big and small things that make up life, that’s hard for me, for us, but it’s not hard for her. She’s in the place that she is meant to be. Hands held high, worshipping her Father, singing Holy, Holy, Holy, with the heavenly hosts. Maybe part of being made new and whole means she’s also no longer off key. But even so, if you knew her while she was alive, can’t you just picture her in worship? That somehow makes today (and every day) a little easier.
Love you Mama.
