There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head. If you turn on the TV or open your newsfeed, or even simply walk into your doctor’s office, the news and often panic, of this covid19 virus is inescapable. It is certainly not the way that I imagined the last few weeks of this pregnancy going. There has been so much hope that this baby would come into our arms without the cloud of grief that was hanging low over our other two babies. And yet, I am finding myself grieving. Not because we’ve lost a loved one, but simply because this birth experience is going to be swallowed up in the hype and panic of this virus that even the experts know so little about.
This is serious. Our family is laying low and staying home, in an effort to protect those of us in our communities who need it most; I still can’t decide if that includes my own self or not. We have dry hands from the excessive amounts of washing and this otherwise care free when it comes to germs mama is wiping down everything. We don’t want to be sick when this baby comes home. We don’t even want to be sick before he comes home. Most importantly, we don’t want to focus on the panic, but instead on the opportunity to spend just a little more time together as a family while we wait for Harry’s arrival.
I suppose one of the things that is causing my heart the most anxiety, is the fact that this kid wants out. We spent Friday night in L&D as my body began to freak out. Despite my best efforts to slow contractions and calm my body, nothing was working. So we dropped our dogs at the boarder, took Audrey to a friend’s house for the night, and headed to the hospital. At not quite 37 weeks, they did everything they could to stop the onset of full active labor. We were all in agreement (except for perhaps this precious little boy) that this kid needed a few more days/weeks before he enters the world. After several hours of monitoring and lots of tests, things calmed down and they felt comfortable sending us home. And now we just wait. We wait for this kid to finish the development he needs and to make his entrance. All while we have lots of time on our hands. I might just go crazy in this waiting period.
I’m not panicked about this. I’m not overly worried about our family getting sick. But I am most definitely going to have to process all the ways this pandemic is going to change and impact this sweet boy’s entrance into the world. I guess its a bit of a gift to be stuck at home. To be intentional about family moments and making memories as we wait. To also be mandated the time to process, as there is not much left to busy my mind. This is a time for me to spend lots of time in prayer. Prayer for my heart. Prayer for my son. Prayer for my family. Prayer for the country. Prayer for the world. All this stuff is so crazy, and I know that there are so many ways that this virus is impacting people’s lives and livelihoods. I’m thankful that we have people around us who are working selflessly to make sure the the essential components to society are functioning and ready when needed… like Labor & Delivery.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me
Philippians 4:4-13
